The year 2009 AD is upon us. Here are my predictions for this year:
- The economy will continue its current successes for most of the year. We won’t have to exchange our babies for food anytime soon, but forget about buying that new iPod, or the extra bowl of gruel for that matter, until Christmas
- There will be more of the current wave of love and peace in and around the Middle East. The new US administration will jump in and try to take on the role of a contraceptive, but it will be too late. A botched abortion attempt is quite likely
- Yahoo, the abandoned child of Google and Microsoft, will be adopted by Time Warner and given a good spanking
- Microsoft will continue to lose ground to Apple and Google, but its goldmine, which is suspected to be somewhere in central Africa, will continue to keep it afloat till October. After that, Steve Ballmer will be cast off into space and the remaining assets sunk into the Arctic
- There’s finally a release date for Duke Nukem. It’s on the 29th February and we’re giving away 10 copies to those of you who can tell us who killed JFK
- Though a number of signs point to Armageddon and the End, we won’t see anything quite as dramatic. Instead, the human race will get bored and forget to have kids. By November, the dolphins will have elected monkeys as the next dominant species on the planet
Let’s check back in 12 months and see how accurate these were (if they are accurate that is. Otherwise, I’ll just keep a lid on it).